My anger faded away to leave something I hadn't expected - remorse. It wasn't guilt over what I had said to Casper - God knows she deserved everything I said and more. I felt it because my friendships in the squad were jeopardized by what happened. I was also depressed, but that was because I felt like I had lost the fight. That sort of thing always ruins my day.
Sooty water poured from the gutters above to slap the ground and I closed my eyes to listen. From beyond the security gates, the city's sounds mixed to become a low, anguished howl. It was almost like there were a million tortured souls screaming somewhere in Mort's darkness. I pulled in a breath then opened my eyes and took in the cityscape
The city lights were hazy as they cut through the blackness and rain like electric diamonds. The formed rings and lines, centering in on the golden pyramid that dominated Central. It lit the sky with a yellow gleam and I remembered how fascinated I was by it as a child. As I grew up, I traded my optimism for something far more honest and dark. Now I can't see it without feeling like someone is walking on my grave.
I heard heavy thumping from behind and realized that I was no longer alone. How long had I been standing there? I had lost track of time and was more interested in watching the rain than having a conversation. Drops clicked and danced across the pavement in front of me, like bullets hitting steel.
The red giant looked down at me then raised his head to watch the falling rain. Sometimes I wonder what goes on behind his eyes, but don't know how to ask in a way that he could answer. He's not wired the same way humans are and often can't explain his ideas or emotions any better than anyone else. I guess it's what makes him mortal and confused, just like everyone else.
Obie's tusks are nearly as long as my arms and his claws are like daggers, giving him a surreal look in the dock light. He patted me on the back and stood there looking down at me in silence. It's better that way because he's not the most eloquent speaker and can get his thoughts across without words just fine.
"I'm okay." I said and he nodded.
"She hahdit cahmin," he said, his deep bass voice out of place with the childish enunciation.
"I just thought I'd enjoy it, but I didn't."
He paused and slowly turned his head as his eyes tracked a low flying SCAF. "Sometimes, you gotta let tings owt," he rumbled.
"Yeah."
We stood there and watched the rainfall for a while and I felt the pressure behind my eyes diffuse. I could breath freely again and pulled the cool damp air into my lungs, even though it's not that healthy. Since it's all the World of Progress has to breathe, you make do with what you have. After all, we all have to die of something anyway.
"So this is what it's like when the shit hits the fan?" I mumbled in a voice too low for him to hear me. Sometimes it feels good to state the obvious aloud and I didn't want an answer.
My breath made a faint cloud in front of me in the cool mist and I watched it fade away as my mind wandered. It drifted calmly away from tonight and over parts of my life, some that I hadn't thought about in a long while. Images of my Father came into my head, but I kicked them out and moved on, thinking how poetic a "kicking out" really was. I also saw the faces of old friends and I wondered what they might be doing and where they were now. Finally, it came full circle and I was reminded that I have practically no social life. Damn, that was depressing. I really needed a hobby.
"Nok-nok"
"What?" I said startled. He had been silent so long that I forgot he was still there.
"Nok-nok," he repeated and looked at me. He cocked his head and pushed me gently with his hand. I had to slide my foot out to avoid getting knocked into the rain.
"Nok-nok!!"
I shrugged and held up my hands. "Okay. Who's there?"
"Atch!"
"Atch who?" I said and winced. I hated these things and the punchline hit me a split second after I gave the setup.
"Blissu!"
He was so pleased with himself that he started snorting and I couldn't help but laugh along. Sometimes the stupidest things can lighten your mood and Obie knew a lot of them. To be the perfect combat machine, he's got one of the best hearts you could want in a friend. He's also a good listener and doesn't judge, so it's always easy to be around him when you have something on your mind.
I heard the whine of a forklift and turned to see the Shivers hauling the four crates out on skids towards the cargo APC. The squad filtered out behind them and Gael met my eyes and smiled. K'rth smiled also and broke off to come closer.
In front, Casper was walking with McNeil who had his arms loosely draped his across her shoulders. As they passed, they slowed and she looked over with a tired face. McNeil's cheeks were flushed with anger and I ignored him.
"We can use the help busting crates so we'll see you tomorrow. Right?" she asked. Her voice sounded small and polite, so completely alien for her that it caught me by surprise. Just as I began to wonder what had changed her mind, K'rth cleared his throat.
"Fine," I said with a hoarse voice. The yelling had left my throat raw and my mouth felt tired. I might show up to help tomorrow and I might not. It depended on how late I slept and how bad the lines in the crib looked. What could she do about it anyway?
Without looking back, she called out a "don't make us wait on you" and waved. Irritation climbed my spine and burrowed into my shoulder, but K'rth dropped his hand on it and squeezed. As he met my eyes, he must have read my thoughts.
"We gave her an ultimatum," he said. "She accepted and will remain part of the squad for the time being."
So that was it, the squad had stood up to her and she backed down. Maybe the "don't make us wait on you", should have been "You won't have to wait on us." I felt grateful and fell with the others on the way towards the subway. Suddenly the day wasn't so bad after all and I rubbed my temples. I shouldn't have underestimated my friends and felt a little stupid.
Nix hopped up and pushed her head under my arm, hugging me and forcing an embrace. I smiled and gave her shoulders a squeeze, but she pulled me off balance as she hugged back. The Wraith is a lot stronger than she appears and loves to remind "long pigs" of it.
She nipped my hand and grinned as I pulled it away.As we left the security checkpoint, I had to put something to rest in my own mind. Since no one had said anything, the answer was pretty clear already.
"The Shivers. Did they check out?" I asked and K'rth looked at me. His eyes were a little sad and he nodded.
"What about the IDs? Did the faces in the company database match?"
"Yes," he said as he let out his air.
A perfect forgery might be able to get by K'rth or Gael, but there was no way SLAnet's employee records would lie. No soft company could have hacked them according company propaganda and that meant that they were company boys after all. I cursed to myself as the rain pelted my scalp and neck, almost like a slap. Somewhere along the way, I lost my Polo belt pouch and found that walking down the stairs to the subway dock was much easier without it. She bounded away onto the subway dock, perpetually taking point.
"I know you were sure they were imposters, but they turned out to be the real thing. We're all wrong sometimes I guess," Gael said. She rubbed my shoulder and smiled.
"I know. It's just that I was so sure that they weren't Shivers – they just didn't seem like right. At least we can go after them on the contraband, that is unless whoever owns them steps into this."
Angus had been using his Claymore like a walking stick, an act that would probably make his grandparents turn back flips in their graves. He tapped it at the concrete in front of his feet, then leaned into me and whispered like he had a secret.
"I know this lass in Station Analysis that might be able t'help. Maybe get the lowdown on 'em," he said with a wink and a nudge. For some reason he was in a really good mood and I turned to him.
"What's it going to cost me?" I asked. With Mac there's almost always a price or wager and he always stacks the odds or shaves a percentage.
"Don't worry about it," he said as the subway car hissed to a stop. "You can owe me!"
"Like hell," I said as we piled into the car. If anyone is going to pay back a debt in the squad, he's going to have to pony up first.
The Chagrin silently convinced some Monarchs to give up their seats along the front of the car and I kept track of my wallet and my pistols as they squeezed past me. I gave up trying to stand up for civie rights a long time ago and now just go with the flow and count my blessings. Obie took hold of one of the hand straps and stood in front of me instead of taking one of the open seats. He's always content to stand next to us instead of sitting and I figured it must be part of his "Serve Man" programming again. As I sat down, Nix hopped into the seat beside me and gave me an ear-to-ear grin.
"What?" I asked, but her grin only got wider. She looked like she had just eaten the neighbor's dog and I knew there was no way she was going to tell me what she was thinking. She also wanted me to try to figure it out, but I wasn't going for it. I lightly smacked her on the nose and leaned back to watch for my stop. She pestered me for most of the ride, but then gave off when K'rth played adult and moved her to sit down.
As Nix and Gael got off, Gael stepped behind Nix and held up nine fingers. Her eyebrows were up and I nodded.
"Got it. See you and the furball then," I said back.
Nix looked at me with a puzzled look, but Gael pushed her out of the compartment ahead of her. She turned back and mouthed, "It's supposed to be a surprise" before they vanished into the crowd and I shook my head. At the next stop, Angus hopped out of his seat and patted me on the head like I had done Nix. I would have slapped him silly if he hadn't dodged out of reach into the crowd.
"I'll talk to my friend for ya!" he laughed as he vanished. That boy was definitely up to something and it probably wasn't any good.
The remaining three of us climbed out several stops later and made it home without any problems. Considering my company, only a nutcase with a death wish would have messed with us. That's another advantage of having both a Shaktar and a Chagrin on the same squad. The disadvantage was that it's murder trying to pack into the undersized elevator with them. I managed to duck under the big guy's tusk far enough to let the doors close, but only after I let out my breath.
As usual, Obie followed us into our apartment and climbed onto the couch to fish for the remote. He's here almost more than I am and has always made himself at home from day one. As the T.V. kicked on, I heard screams and the sounds of bones breaking, then remembered that there was some sort of big Gorezone event on tonight. Angus probably had a big bet placed, which would explain his mood and meant he was probably on his way to trash this apartment again.
"How are you feeling?" K'rth asked as he pulled off his raincoat.
"I'm better. " I said with a weak smile. I was tired, but recovering now that I was home.
"The truth about one's self is seldom pleasant and she needed to hear it. I'm glad that you exercised control and didn't kill her."
"You noticed that, huh?" I asked. "I think McNeil goaded her into it, so I owe him for the bruises."
"His will come in time," he said as he stood in front of me. Sometimes he stares until he gets what he feels is a sufficient answer to a question. It's rough when it's one of the ones that he hasn't actually asked yet, or was one from earlier in the day.
"I'm ok, alright?" I asked but that didn't quite cut it. Somehow, he manages to be the big brother, father, and sensei all at the same time for me. He was probably still worried and nodded as he reluctantly headed away to clean up.
"You'd better hurry up," I prodded. " You've got that hot date tonight."
Once he was clear, I took a hot shower and I looked at myself in the mirror as the steam parted. Some part of the evening had done me a lot of good and I was relieved to have some of the chip shaved off my shoulder. Nevertheless, I was glad that tonight was behind me and sincerely hoped that things would be better. Tomorrow would tell for sure, but the bitterness in me was gone for the time being. I was actually looking forward to the next day with the squad.
K'rth knocked on my door and opened it wide enough to lean in with a big grin. He must have been convinced that I was ok and had slipped back into smartass mode.
"Have a good time and good luck," I said and he grinned wider.
"Try not to get bitten this time," he answered back with a laugh.
I shuddered as he closed the door. One of these days, one of Nix's friends is going to find him REALLY interesting and then I'll have the last laugh. It probably wouldn't happen anytime soon, but I can hope. P'tnsd'tlh, which translates to "balanced outcome" or loosely means karma, takes far too long for me to be satisfied. Expediency is probably reserved for those of the Shaktar race.
As I sorted through clothing and started to clean my weapons, I thought about how I could really use some quiet time tonight to relax and recover. To get to it, I would have to survive an evening full of screaming, growling, clawing Wraiths and I shuddered again. This sure wouldn't do my peace of mind any good.
The things I go through for my friends.
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