"So, Sergeant," Tupo began. "How does it feel to be a hero?"
Collis stopped and turned to look down at the little man. Was he mocking him? He had spent two years and seven days on Dante and that was something few people could say. One mama's boy in a bar had quipped that it was blind luck that he survived and the sounds of the puke's begging were still clear in his mind. Collis knew that luck can't save your ass without a lot of skill to back it up.
He scowled at the smaller man and kept walking."I'm serious," he tried again. "What's it like to be one of Slayer's 'Chosen'?"
Collis thought about snapping him in half to shut him up, but the question played in his. He tended to think of himself with what he thought was honesty as a lean, mean, fighting machine. The hero stuff came later by surviving Hell when all of his friends had not.
"Hmm, I see," Tupo continued. "It's not something you really want to talk about is it?" Taking the lack of response as an affirmative, the little man kept nagging at him.
"Perhaps you're still feeling guilty because you're the one that lived? Could that be wh-"
Collis wrapped an armored gauntlet around Tupo's throat and squeezed. As the servos clicked into place, he leaned forward and jerked the flailing man off the ground like a rag doll. Tupo wrapped his arms around the suit's arm and held himself up awkwardly, but his eyes were amused. Even though it pissed the big man off enough to hurt him, he knew that you don't frag your guides when you're in hostile territory. He tossed him against the sewer's wall and walked on.
A moment later, Tupo was back at his elbow with the same salesman's smile. The sergeant had killed more people than he could count and one more wouldn't matter. If the little man pushed it, he was willing to add to the kack total. It's not like he'd lose sleep over it – he never lost sleep over anything these days. The near overdoses of drum he took every night kept all of his nightmares away. It also kept his dreams away and sometimes it bothered him.
"Look I'm sorry that I upset you, I was only making conversation."
"What do you want to know?" Collis said as he stopped in front of the grill to the access tunnel. Maybe that would shut the squiggly up.
"Was it worth it?" Tupo asked as he smoothed his hair and straightened his jacket.
"What?"
"The pain, the suffering. Everything," he asked. "Everything you lost."
Collis's mind snapped to the days before his training, back when he was a civilian puke. Back when he was one of the stupid, weak, pathetic masses that the current Collis fought to protect the way of life for. Those were the days when he had been content to be less than he could be and he had been a slug.
"I wasn't thinking that far back," Tupo stated. "What about Carly?"
That name brought back images of the first woman who really hooked him. Carly was a tall brunette with blue eyes and long, strong legs that went all the way up to heaven. He had been so happy with her that he had spun blissfully out of control. Some guys liked that romantic crap, but the warm feeling made him fell like a weakling. He knew he would have given up anything for her, even the Corps, but that wasn't an option. You are what he makes you to be.
"Do you still think about her?"
Yeah, he thought about her. Every time he closed his eyes, he could smell the scent of her sweat, feel the touch of her hair across his hand, and hear the music of her voice. She excited him, made him whole, and he craved her for it. Those memories had sharp edges and they stung like ground glass. He winced and shook his head to clear the cobwebs.
"How did you feel when it was over?"
What kind of a question was that? He had loved her the only way he knew how. She had been part of him and now she was gone. Rage and bitterness welled up in him and he glared at the small man.
"Do you feel guilt over it?"
Guilt? Yeah, he felt guilt all right - guilty for having put any sort of effort into that love thing. He felt guilty and stupid for having ever opened himself up, for making himself vulnerable to her in the first place. He should have done what his Father always said and just walked away from it. Never, ever let someone inside or they'll hurt you every time. That's exactly what she did. Of course, pain is just weakness leaving your body and it had made him harder and stronger.
"No. I meant do you feel guilty over what happened later, over what YOU did?"
"No. I don't feel anything at all," he said and opened the satchel that held the charges. He carefully squashed each clump into place along the heavy bars and placed the detonators. After he pulled the timer pins, he trotted to the side and turned off his audio. That way he could stand near the blast without having his eardrums busted. He didn’t warn the pain in the ass about it. Let the squig figure that one out on his own.
"You don't feel anything? Absolutely nothing at all?"
Collis ignored him as the corridor filled with light and hot air splashed across the sensors along the front of the suit. He stepped through the thick smoke to find smoldering bars, but the plastique hadn't burned all the way through. He cocked back a leg and used the armor's power to smash them down, then bent the others apart to step through. It wasn't quiet, but it got the job done.
"You really feel nothing? You expect me to believe that?"
Snapping around, he glared down at the smaller man and grabbed him again, this time by the shoulder. Pushing him against the wall, he snapped up his visor and stared at him. Tupo was grinning ear to ear and not the least bit intimidated.
"Don't push me, little man," he snarled as he let go.
"I'm not pushing you, Sergeant," he said with the same smile. "I'm just trying to understand you."
"You kind can't understand me! Your kind never could!" he growled. With that, he pushed the smaller man off his feet and continued walking again. Snapping his visor down, the sound of the splashing was gone and his breathing echoed inside the suit.
Tupo appeared at his side and paced him, but didn't intervene. That was the first smart thing the puke had done. Collis wouldn't tolerate any more delays and one less squigglie in the world wouldn't matter. He had plenty of ammo left anyway.
"You're right, my kind can't fully understand you," the little man's voice said. Collis kept walking and gritted his teeth as he tried to blot out the conversation. Now where was that music he had heard earlier? Why the hell couldn't he remember the damn words?
"I can't understand why such a noble man is so willing to give up everything he ever loved and suffer so much, without fighting back."
That caught his attention and Collis stopped and turned around. Deciding he could complete the mission without him, Bertha swung around and started to spin up. Tupo smiled politely and tried to push the barrel aside, but it remained aimed at his chest.
"Allow me to rephrase, if I may."
"Go ahead."
"You've given so much of yourself – all of yourself in fact, to someone else's war only to be tossed aside like an empty soda can. My God, man you even gave up the one woman who ever loved you!"
"That was her decision."
"No, not entirely," he continued. "If you hadn't been shipped away to Dante, she couldn't have strayed and she'd be alive now. There never would have been 'the other man' sleeping in your bed. That one wouldn't have deserved to die either."
Tupo stepped closer and Bertha was whining like a DAC to fire, but Collis held onto her leash. Something about the little man's eyes kept him from holding the hot button and letting her go.
"If they hadn't show a complete disregard for your life, none of it – none of your pain could have happened. You wouldn't have had to do what you did. You wouldn't have had to suffer."
Collis let off the trigger and Bertha cycled to a halt.
"None of it is your fault, so you should let go of your guilt," Tupo continued, putting his hands on the shoulder plates of the crackshot. His eyes burned with a weird intensity that made Collis's thousand yard stare pale in comparison. These were the eyes of a zealot, he thought, this squig was completely unhinged.
"Squash it down and make it into something darker," Tupo said. "Mix it with your hate, season it with bitterness, then rip it back out and use it! Give it back to the one who did this to you!"
He stared at his face, trying to read him. Something stirred in his innards and coiled like an angry serpent, wrapping around his lungs and making his throat tight. Heat rose up his chest the same time that the hair on the back of his neck came to attention.
"Give it to the one who took Carly away! Give it to the one who made you kill your friends! Show Slayer how much you appreciate his 'opportunity to serve' in Hell!"
Tupo's voice had become a snarl before he stopped speaking and rage welled up in Collis's chest. It made sense - all of it. That bastard, sitting on high in luxury, had signed the death sentence on his life. The small man was right. Slayer needed to pay.
"Let him reap the wrath he has sown!"
The rage numbed him as he turned and walked away, heading for the ladder to street level.
He would make Slayer pay. They would all pay.
Comments to rw