"Looks like he chopped a Bull and lost his axe," Gere said. "The others probably dragged him away or else he tracked them that way."
The dumbass pointed the only possible way to go and I snickered. That "Man of the Streets and Sewers" routine is as corny as anything Sara comes up with. I didn't spend much time thinking about it since I was still thinking about that Chainaxe. How in the hell do you impale something on a Chainaxe anyway? It's not a stabbing weapon and they normally rip right through fleshy targets. Mitchell was shaking his head and looked around before speaking up.
"Something isn't right here and I don't like it. We should bug out and come at it from a different sewer cover."
"That's a big no can do, big guy!"
Cash's was still using his announcer voice and I could imagine him posing under a street lamp already for his private camera crew. "The Shivers sealed your entry point as soon as you were clear, so your only way out is -"
"-through whatever shit he's signed us into this time," I cut in.
"Now Emily, that's just not fair!" Sara said and came over to persuade me. Again, an array of silicon battering rams regardless of proximity always fails to intimidate me. "He's doing a good job for us and you ought to be appreciative!"
"Appreciative? Appreciative for what?" I asked and cocked my head. That was a riot! "I'm knee deep in fifteen flavors of Carrien shit and I owe someone thanks?"
"Look, we've gone over this before," she said as she draped her arm over my shoulder and looked down at me. Not only is she prettier than me, she's also taller. God, I loathe her.
"Move it or lose it," I said.
"Is there a problem down there?" Cash asked. "What's going on?"
"What, hon?" she asked as she lowered her face down to mine and turned her head like I was a small kid. I thought about biting her ear off, but didn't want to catch anything. Instead, I thought about where my 10 gauge was pointed and what would happen if it accidentally went off a couple times. No, no, no -can't do that sort of thing on camera. Bad girl.
"Your arm. Move it or lose it."
She smiled and started to say something, but Fenis stepped up and separated us. Leading the bimbo away towards something else Clipper had found, he mouthed over his shoulder "put it on safe."
"Oh yeah," I mumbled aloud and flicked the safety on. "Gotta watch that."
Fenis suggested that we rearrange our walking order and put Sara and camera boy in front of me with Gere in between us. The big bro always thinks of my safety and stayed close behind, probably so he could catch me if it looked like I might slip and accidentally discharge my weapon. Gee, that would be a real shame, wouldn't it? All those morons in front of me and my shotgun.
"I GOT SOMETIN!" Clipper yelled. Somebody needs to remind the dumb biogenetic that when your squad is wearing hands-off mikes, you can be heard just fine without screaming. Of course I know how he is and always keep my earpiece out so I could spend my time snickering while everyone else winces and grabs their earpieces. You'd think they'd learn by now, but a lot of slops have learning disabilities. They aren't kidding when they say you're "special" because you graduated from Meny.
"Damn it Clip!" Mitch said from the rear. "How many times do I have to tell you? DON'T YELL INTO THE DAMN MIKE!"
Okay, maybe it's the just Stormer that's got the learning disability.
"Sorry."
"Whatcha find?" Gere asked as he craned his neck and went on tip toes to look around camera boy and Sara. It was like he was doing everything he could to keep from stepping in the muck.
"Got some bodies," the 313 started. "Lots uh wounds, mostly hand to hand I think."
It can think? Wow. Learn something new every day.
"What kinds of bodies?" I asked and realized it was a mistake to say it that way. Before he could start on this rambling description of dismemberments, I corrected it. "What are the stiffs? Humans, Carrien, Scavs, Sewer workers, Shivers, little green men, WHAT?"
"Dunno."
"That's real helpful."
Fenis nudged me and I decided to ignore him. I didn't need another one of his disapproving looks and they were beginning to get on my nerves. Stepping off the small raised walkway, I splashed ahead to find out what the vat-stooge had found. I managed to get Gere and Sara with some of it and smiled. That'll teach them to try to stay clean in a sewer.
It looked like the area where the Stormer was standing might have been a pumping station at one time, but it had been offline for probably a few years. Since then, something or someone had moved in and decided to use it for a different purpose. There were at least fifteen bodies, most of which were human but some were definitely Carrien or Scavs. All of them looked like they had been dumped into a blender and were bobbing around in heaps. Even though I'm not I&I, forensics is sort of my hobby so I waded through the low water and kneeled next to one of the stiffs for a better look. The wounds were similar to what I'd expect, but I needed an expert. That meant it was time to yell for our resident fashion conscious I&I pleasure girl and see if she could figure it out too.
"Sara," I called out in my sweetest voice. "You're forensics certified, aren't you?"
"Yes," she answered. Her voice had that far away sound like she knew what I was about to ask and really didn't want to do it. Hey, if you don't want to do a job don't take the training for it. That's why I'm a mechanic and not a "real operative" like Mr. Kick Murder or Mr. Gunbunny behind me.
"You should look at these bodies. Maybe you can tell what did this."
"O-okay,"
She came forward, gingerly placing her steps to avoid splashing any more of the dirty water onto her coat or stepping on anything. She recoiled each time a dismembered arm or leg bobbed into her and I giggled. At least she made it over to me without puking or squealing and I can honestly say that I was as impressed with her as I was ever going to be.
Sara gently prodded one of the corpses with her boot and carefully nudged it over like it might bite. I wanted to tell her she shouldn't be scared because it was definitely dead, but she probably figured that out once it rolled over and surfaced to show it was missing its head and most of its internal organs. The reflected light from our lamps showed that her face was pale and green, so I made sure to keep mine on the wound. That way she could see it in all its gory - I mean glory.
"Problem?" I asked and smiled up at her. She shook her head and clamped her mouth shut, trying to keep from losing it. Oooooo, this was going to be fun!
"Looks like something reached in and ripped his guts out. Any idea what was used?" I asked.
"Uh-uh."
Okay, I had to really shake her up before she managed to get her footing.
"To me, it looks like a deep horizontal laceration across the lower abdominal area with a serated edge. That sound about right?"
"Yes, m-maybe."
Okay, now she was really green around the gills. Just a little more pushing and I'd really have a memorable moment.
"Then we've got an upward tear and a whole lot of ripping going on. That's probably when whoever or whatever did this just reached in and-"
"-Y-yeah. I'm going to look at some of the others," she said and she walked away. As I kept talking, she started to pick up the pace.
I thought about yelling "look out guys, she's gonna blow!" but that would have been rude and a little anticlimactic. So I kept talking.
"I think the body had been partially eaten, maybe by rats or pigs but you'll need to take a close look at it to be sure. You're the expert after all."
Bingo. She leaned against the wall to one of the side passages and ripped off her respirator just in time. Camera boy had been alternating between watching me and the stiff and Sara coughing up her last meal, so I thought I should help his career. You've got to be decisive and focus if you're going to make it big in SLA Industries.
"You should get that on camera. It adds a nice human angle to the story."
With that, he went over to film the puking princess. What a moron.
The rest of the squad had fanned out in the area and Mitch came over to look at the body at my feet. His eyes had that strained look like a cornered rat and I think he might have been shaking a little.
"Emily, what did - this?" he asked.
"Your guess is as good as mine, but I'd say 'it' or 'they' are probably still around."
I stood up to look at his eyes more closely and saw that, yes he was scared shitless. Showing my true compassionate self, I decided to prod a little.
"Considering that two of these look like Stormers, I'd say they're going to add a few of us to the pile before we're out of here."
Double Bingo. His face became as white as a sheet and he gulped his heart back into his chest before he walked around. Now technically I didn't lie to him. I just didn't volunteer what I thought had happened. Of course, he didn't ask me what I thought so it's his own fault. I couldn't wait to tell someone, just to see them defecate in their pants too.
"Sara might be able to tell you for sure. She's the expert after all."
Gere was unfazed by the gore and decided to posture for the camera boy (after he got his attention by tapping him on the shoulder). He struck a pose in the middle of the room with his customized FEN paperweight and dramatically cocked it and flexed his muscles. Camera boy had turned away from Sara and caught the whole thing.
"It don't matter what the hell 'it' or 'they' are. I ain't met nothing yet that I couldn't kill."
That was when I totally lost it. It started as a giggle, then grew into a tremble, then erupted into laughter. Tears filled my eyes and I had to sit down on the pile to keep from falling. It was the funniest, stupidest demonstration of a testosterone deficient man in love with his own dick that I've ever seen and I truly couldn't help myself. When I finally got it under control, I saw that Fenis had directed camera boy to follow him down a nearby tunnel instead of filming me laugh at Mr. 10mm metal death.
"That was very uncalled for! You should have empathy for other people's feelings!" Sara snapped as she stormed past. When I realized that she was following the camera for once, that struck me as funny too.
I pulled up my goggles and wiped my eyes, still fighting to get the giggles under control as I stood up. When I saw Gere's look, I stopped laughing and stared back. He was glaring at me, absolutely seething with rage but not quite willing to do anything about it yet. It would probably only take one mild push and he'd go off, but a dainty little female like moi knows enough to cower in awe of such an Adonis of death, destruction, self-love, and masculine dominance.
"Don't tell me you've never had a woman laugh at your 10mm penis before," I said and started to giggle again. His intimidating "look of rage" took on more of an edge and he snarled and raised the pistol. Mitchell jumped in to stop him before he got it halfway up and the giggles came back again. I bit my lip to stop them, but ended up snorting like a pig instead. That was funny too and I giggled more.
"Look, we've got a job to do so let's move on. Gere, you go first and Emily, you take the rear."
Gere tried to shoulder me as he went past, but slipped on a wayward leg and stumbled instead. I broke out in a cackle and he got so angry that Mitchell had to escort him onward. Gosh, I was just trembling in my boots as they vanished in the tunnel and I looked around at the bodies in the darkness to sober myself. It wasn't working, so I shouldered my shotgun and followed still giggling. A tune came to my lips, but since I can't whistle worth a damn, I decided to hum along with the stereo in my head.
Sara had told me to "have empathy" for Gere's feelings and that started me giggling again, but with a dark edge. "Empathy" is just one step removed from "loving your neighbor" and two steps from being warm and weepy like Gere who desperately struggles to be in touch with his vulnerable feminine side but is held back by the primeval tidal wave of testosterone thundering through his veins. Heh.
We all just want love to be loved. We all want to feel, to touch, to be needed. It's part of what makes us human.
Hee Hee.
Well, I've always been a little different.
Empathy is just wandering emotional refuse, displaced pain covering up weakness.
Fucking pathetic.
I smiled in the darkness and my giggles broke out with a snort.
"Who loves you baby?" I said to no one in particular and followed the echoing voices.
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